


Wham Isn't Any Better.

by whyamIalwaysLoislane (Whyamialwaysloislane)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Awesome Erica, BAMF Derek Hale, BAMF Stiles, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek is a Good Alpha, Everyone Is Alive, First Time, M/M, Porn With Plot, References to ABBA, References to Wham!, Virgin Stiles, and some Wham!, don't forget the wham!, pop tarts, this is porn, with some fluf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:49:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1771342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whyamialwaysloislane/pseuds/whyamIalwaysLoislane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles refuses to be a nineteen year old Virgin.<br/>Derek lends a hand. (and a dick)<br/>Sex and 80's music ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wham Isn't Any Better.

**Author's Note:**

> Wooo first ever sex thing published!!  
> If anything is inaccurate... I am sorry and do please let me know so I can change it!  
> However I am a gay girl and all my knowledge has been taught through fics! 
> 
> Also there are lots of hidden References in here, if you can find them, comment or let me know somehow and I'll do something awesome (probably be a shout-out in my next fic or if you want to ask for a fic, just leave it in the comments and I'll try and get that too you) 
> 
> (HA NORA BEAT YOU)
> 
> Previously Titled: I’m Baaattman. Derek, Stop it. I’m Batman. Right, I can’t do the voice when you make me laugh

"Are you fucking serious?" Derek asked, hands on his hips as he stared at the speckled teen.

"No, in this situation I would not be fucking serious. I'd be fucking you, Derek." Stiles states as if walking up to his pack's Alpha and demanding Derek sleep with was just a completely normal thing to do. Derek kept his eyes fixed on the boy, monitoring his heartbeat. Erica and Boyd had tried a similar trick six months previous; pushing a drunken Stiles at him with the incentive of Sex. But Stiles had choked and burst out in fits of giggles at Derek's eyebrows before he could even get past the word 'sex'. 

"My question still stands." He moved his arms to cross them against his chest, completely aware that Stiles' eyes followed the curve of his bicep and the smell of his arousal filled the room. Stiles eyes flitted back to Derek's face and he pouted.

"But come on, I cannot be a nineteen year old virgin! It's just sad!" Stiles flailed his arms around before plonking them down on the counter, along with his head. His forehead bounced off the marble with a satisfying thwack. He cursed and flung his head back off the counter. 

"Sometimes I miss violently shoving you into walls, then I realised you do it all to yourself." Derek sighed, turning back to his coffee. That coffee machine Lydia bought him as a Thank-You-For-Getting-Peter-To-Stop-Being-Creepy present was like heaven wrapped in an orgasm. Speaking of orgasms. Stiles was ranting.

"Nineteen and never had an un-self-inflicted orgasm. Dude it sucks. Sucks ass, and not in the sexy way you could." Stiles leant across the counter at the last comment and winked.

"You're never going to give up are you?" Derek sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Probably not. This is on par with the hunger strike of '04." Stiles shrugged.

"Do I even want-?" 

"It was summer 2004. I and Scotty boy had just discovered Pop Tarts." He looked off into the distance, like if this was a movie or a bad MTV show there would be a flash back with kids that looked vaguely like him and Scott. "And after the Infamous Sugar fiasco of '03, Scotty and I were not allowed this perfect sugary breakfast," he flailed his arms trying to find a way to describe them, "thing. So we went on a hunger strike. Scott's lasted until around half two when his mom made cookies. However mine lasted until three days later when I passed out on the monkey bars. From then on I have been allowed Pop Tarts. And if this doesn't prove that not only my dedication but my stupidity knows no bounds, I don't know what will." Stiles dramatically flopped back onto the counter. "Now will you please sleep with me?!" 

Of course that would be the moment, Isaac walked in. (Scarf in place)

"I'm going to come back later." He walked back out of the room, not before pinching one of Stiles' Raspberry Pop Tarts. Stiles glared at his curls until they left the loft completely. 

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. DEREK. PLEASE!" Stiles whined.

"FINE!" Derek snapped. His heart didn't race at the idea of Stiles skin bared, connecting Stiles moles together with his tongue and following that damn happy trail that showed every time he reached for the Pop Tarts. Which was a lot. 

"YES!" He walked around the counter to launch his arms around Derek's neck. Derek took a moment to hug back, and then Stiles was out of his arms and reaching for the Pop Tarts. "I swear to God these get higher up every time I'm here." Derek muffled an awkward cough and left the room. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Stiles showed up four days later, looking odd and carrying a plastic bag. He shouted at the pack who were lazing on the floor as per usual for a pack meeting until they all left, arm out stopping Derek from leaving.

"Not you mister. Sit." Derek stared at Stiles. Stiles looked at him with a strange look. He looked different and Derek couldn't place it. Sure his hair was more frantic and more like sex hair than usual, and his eyes darker and more hooded. It was the look he couldn't place. Then it hit him.

It was hunger.

And not the type Pop Tarts could deal with. 

"So are we doing this or what?" He dumped the bag in Derek's lap. 

"Is this why Erica keeps non-subtly walking in me in the shower?" Derek questioned perusing the bags items. There were various tubes of lube and different sizes of condoms and one rather large dildo. 

"The world’s worst dick spy ever." Stiles sighed, fiddling with his phone and stretching his hand out for Derek’s. "No interruptions." Derek hastily handed it him, and Stiles flicked it onto silent and placing them in the plastic bag after emptying the goods onto the coffee table. 

"How long have you been preparing for this?" Derek asked eyebrow quirking.

"Longer than I will ever admit." Stiles sighed and sat down next to Derek.

"Really?" Derek asked, eyes softening. 

"Really, Really. Now can we get your dick in me, before I combust from sexual frustration." Stiles turned to Derek, who stared at him. "Oh For the love of-" Stiles began before he was silenced by Derek's lips crushing onto his. His eyes widened as he took in Derek's lips moving against his, his stubble scratching at his skin and the feel of his tongue raking across his bottom lip. Stiles gasped as Derek’s teeth joined his tongue. He found himself being pushed back onto the sofa, legs wrapped around Derek's hips and arms pinned up by his head as Derek's mouth fell to his neck.  

"Fucking hell." Stiles moaned. A plus pornstar moan. Man he should go into the porn business with a moan like that. Well hey the pay is good. 

Derek brought his attention back by sucking on the spot where his neck and shoulder met. 

"You are wearing way too much clothing." Stiles snapped, thumbing at Derek's jumper. Derek moved back and pulled his shirt off. Now the act of shirt removal was an area Stiles had studied heavily in his eighteen years. But Derek had it down to an art. 

"Now you are wearing too much." Derek said, chucking his shirt over to the other side of the room. Stiles smirked and began fumbling with his hoody. Derek watched for a few moments as Stiles wrestled with the clothing. "Come here." Derek undid the zipper and slid it off his shoulders and Stiles had never been more aroused. Derek slowly began undoing the buttons on his plaid shirt, slipping that off too. He moved the bundle that had gathered underneath Stiles back onto the floor and pressed a kiss to the hollow of Stiles neck. Finger hooking to the hem of his Breaking Bad shirt. Derek took care running his other hand underneath Stiles shirt, thumb grazing Stiles nipple. He unhooked his finger and moved both hands to the bottom of the shirt, pulling it up a bit at a time.  Sooner or later he had Stiles’ shirt off and on the floor and was running his hand up Stiles stomach.

"Why are you not shirtless more?" Derek asked, taking in every inch of Stiles chest. 

"Mainly, 'cause this is new." Stiles breathed. "I decided to get fit, part of my ten year plan. You know to woo Lydia. When that didn't work I assumed it would help with other situations."

"Did it?" Derek quirked an eyebrow, dragging his tongue across Stiles nipple and smirking at the squirm that followed.

"Well, it appears to be working." Derek’s hand trailed to Stiles’ belt and he tapped it whilst biting his lip. "What?"

"Grab that." He gestured to the pile of sex-junk on the table. "Bedroom." Stiles jumped up and watched Derek's ass as it climbed the crappy spiral staircase. He did not do a little dance. 

You _cannot_ prove it.

"Right dude, you know it." Stiles shouted as he climbed the stairs, arms full of sexy stuff. 

"It?" Derek called back.

"Yeah man, it. Your dong, dongle, the package, the meat Popsicle, the 100% all meat thermometer, the joy stick. The purple headed deep-veined pistol of love. The D." Stiles rattled, he could honestly go for hours, and however he was really looking forward to getting to know the article in question. 

"What of it?" Derek asked, as Stiles finally finished the fucking stairs. Derek was sat on his bed, jeans gone and only a pair of black shorts in place. "Are you seriously going to ask me how big it is?" Derek raised an eyebrow, and fell back onto his elbows, deliberately giving Stiles a eyeful. "Did your spy not get you this knowledge?"

"She complained and these are her exact words, 'it's not like I could just whip out a tape measure and measure my Alpha's dick whilst I'd just walked in on him in the shower. Angry eyes from two different heads Stiles'." Derek chuckled to himself and moved to the end of the bed where Stiles was stood. He took the junk out of his arms and placed them on the floor, not before hitting Stiles on the nose with the dildo. 

"Was this for comparison or something?" Derek asked. 

"Not my fault I don't know what you are into." Stiles laughed as Derek’s hands fell onto his belt. Derek swiftly undid the buckle and his fly and soon his jeans were down by his ankles. 

"Seriously? Batman boxers?" Derek asked, running his finger around the hem. 

"I'm batman." Stiles shrugged, impression perfect, Derek placed a kiss on Stiles hip and Stiles giggled.

“Yeah. Batman who obviously has ticklish hips.” Derek chuckled lowly as his nose brushed across Stiles’ happy trail.

“I’m Batman.” Stiles said this time wasn’t as gruff as the original impression; it even managed to raise a few octaves. Derek raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m Baaattman. Derek, Stop it. I’m Batman. Right, I can’t do the voice when you make me laugh!” Derek shook his head as he moved his lips, tongue following the happy trail he’d been gasping to follow for months. Stiles made a noise of content and let his fingers run through Derek’s hair.

“Are we going for the full thing?” Derek asked, teeth grazing Stiles skin.

“Definitely.” Stiles moaned, and that was all Derek needed. He grabbed him by his hips and pushed him back on the bed. “Shit.” Stiles grunted before readjusting himself on the bed, legs slightly parted. God Derek’s bed felt like heaven. “Oh... okay.” Stiles moaned as Derek’s lips attached themselves back onto Stiles stomach and trailing down to his boxers. “Derek…”

“Hmm…” Derek mumbled as he moved slowly down.

“Der…Shit.” Stiles moaned. “Derek.”

“What?” Derek snapped, looking up.

“Okay, I don’t want to my first time to just be you know dick stuff. Right I want my dick in you or your dick in me. Like now probably.” Stiles breathed. Derek stared at him for a moment in sheer wonder of how did this ~~boy~~ man even exist.

“Okay.” Derek nodded, moving off the bed to the pile of ‘sexy’ stuff onto the bed. He plucked up one of the varying boxes of condoms and opened one, letting the packet drop into his palm and tossed it to Stiles.

“Is this… for…?” Stiles stumbled around his words. “Me?”

“No.” Derek said, searching through the bottles of lube and picking one up. He tossed that also to Stiles and with one swift arm motion wiped all the other things clean off the bed.

“Whoa.” Stiles muttered as he watched Derek’s bicep flex and ripple. “Shit.”

“Boxers. Off.” Derek snapped, pushing his shorts down.

Stiles did not stare. Not at all. He did not stare at Derek’s dick. At all.

“Unfair.” Derek snapped moving over to the bed. Moving to kneel in between Stiles’ still open legs. This was a sight Stiles will never forget. Well it was until Derek’s hands were on Stiles boxers and pulling them off, letting his already half hard dick spring free. Stiles held up the condom and the lube and winked at Derek. Derek took the packet off Stiles, and with Stiles free hand he stroked up Derek’s length.

“You know, just making sure.” Stiles whispered.

“Sure of what?” Derek breathed.

“The websites said the dick wearing the condom must be hard… I was just checking.” Stiles mumbled.

“You think way too much.” Derek pushed Stiles torso back onto the bed and took the lube off him. He opened the packet and rolled the condom onto his erection, all whilst Stiles watched through his open legs. It would have been a perfect view if you know his dick wasn’t in the way. He let his head fall back instead. Stiles heard the flick of a cap and sounds that sounded wet. His attention was brought straight back when Derek’s wet finger pressed at his hole.

“FUCK. COLD!” Stiles snapped. “Warn a guy.” Derek in response pushed in. “Okay. Fuck.” Stiles placed his hands on the head board and let his eyes flutter shut as Derek’s finger pushed in further. “This is really different when it’s someone else’s finger.” Derek’s finger wiggled around, finger bending. Correction. Fingers. Derek pulled out about half way and slid another finger beside the first one and slid back in.

Derek’s cheek pressed up against Stiles thigh, stubble scratching the skin. As he slid another finger in, Derek licked up Stiles cock.

“Jesus.” Stiles breathed, Derek’s finger still working.

“You’re freakishly quiet.” Derek whispered, but by the angle of his head it looked like he was whispering it to Stiles thigh.

“You’re stupidly… Stupid.” Stiles sighed and Derek sniggered. The movement between his legs stopped as Derek pulled his fingers out. Stiles opened his mouth to whine and was cut short by Derek pushing his dick into Stiles. “Oh my God.” Stiles breathed, as Derek pushed in.

“Tell me if I hurt you Stiles.” The way Derek breathed Stiles name was enough to make him come there and then. He will admit in the manliness way ever that it did hurt. Someone was squeezing a rather big organ into a very small place but hell did it feel good once Derek got a rhythm going. Derek shouldered Stiles’ knees onto his shoulders so he could get a better aim. It fucking worked.

“Holy shit.” Stiles breathed, knuckles turning white as he gripped the head board as Derek rocked into him. Derek’s head was bowed, biting his lip in concentration. He looked amazing. Stiles knew Derek was gorgeous, come on, he had been up close and personal with his angst ridden Underwear model self, many-a-time, but now he could see closer. His front teeth hung a little lower than the rest of his teeth, those being the teeth that were now indenting on his lips. His eyebrows furrowed together a little, eyes almost closed. He looked younger somehow. He looked beautiful.

Derek’s eyes shot up to Stiles, and that when Stiles realised he said the last bit out loud. Damn it sex brain. Derek stopped mid thrust and Stiles pursed his lips into a pout, bringing his hand to the back of Derek’s neck and bringing Derek’s lips to his. He held him there until his legs hurt.

“You’re pretty.” Stiles shrugged and Derek rolled his eyes, steadying himself again and beginning the rhythm again. Stiles gasped, hand falling down to knot into Derek’s hair. Derek’s hand moved from holding Stiles leg in place and fell to Stiles’ dick, his hand working Stiles cock as he fucked him

This was one for the Diary.

“Are you humming Mamma Mia?” Derek whispered, voice pure bewilderment and amusement.

“Abba calms me down.” Stiles muttered and Derek chuckled, rubbing his cheek against Stiles’ calf, stubble scratching the skin.

“Could you not with the Abba?” Derek asked, hips rolling.

“What’s wrong-“ Stiles breath hitched and he moaned, “with Abba?”

“Not your usual soundtrack to sex.” Derek shrugged. Stiles in response changed tune. “Wham isn’t any better.” Derek sighed, hand speeding up as his thrusts became faster and shorter, more frantic.

“It seems to be helping.” Stiles quirks an eyebrow, letting his head drop back. Stiles’ rolled his hips to meet Derek’s.

“Shh.” Derek lips brushed Stiles’ knee.

“Derek…” Stiles whimpered. “I’m going to…” Stiles said as he came, Derek’s name falling off his lips as he spilt over his stomach. Derek continued to thrust, coming not long after.

They collapsed onto Derek’s bed, in a pile of sheets and sweaty limbs.

“Do I- Should I… Leave?” Stiles mumbles when he can find the words.

“Shh… Sleep.” Derek whispers, pulling Stiles over to him, head nuzzling into Derek’s neck.

Derek Hale. Actual Fucking Cat.

 

* * *

 

 

When Stiles pulls up outside the Hale Household, it’s almost one week since the sex-fiasco of Derek Hale and Stiles No-I’m-not-telling-you-so-stop-asking Stilinski. Derek hasn’t said one word about it. The next morning, Stiles woke in Derek’s empty bed, pulled on his clothes and left after finding the house empty. He wouldn’t be back, but since his best bud,since he dared him to lick the swing set _,_ Scott McCall called the pack meeting Stiles felt obliged.

So, being the better man, he puts the Jeep in park and climbs out. Erica’s at the door with Boyd when his sneakers crunch across the fresh layers of fallen leaves.

“Pizza?” Erica asks.

“OR Chinese?” Boyd asks.

They’re both smiling in a way that makes Stiles want to have a shower and wish he took his dad up on the male-pepper spray.

“Chinese.” Stiles answers. He knows this is the ongoing argument, who in the Boyd-Reyes relationship is the scariest. Sure, Erica’s scary but she’s loud about her scariness. It’s _always_ the quiet ones. Plus, Boyd’s happy smile is terrifying.

Erica pouts and flounces inside, flip of blonde hair and clack of cheetah print heels and all.

“Good to know where your allegiance lies, Stilinski.” Boyd pats Stiles shoulder before ushering inside.

“You know why Scott called this thing?” Stiles asked, shrugging off his hoodie and adding it to the pile.

“Apparently, Derek’s a little haywire. And by that I mean, he’s been _this_ drunk for the past three days.” Boyd rubs the back of his neck and looks at Derek. Derek at that moment was face down on the sofa singing Abba, loudly and off tune. He’s holding a half empty bottle of Vodka in his hand.

“That’s his fifth.” Isaac explained.

“Bottle?” Stiles asked.

“Yes, of Vodka. He’s drank all of Erica’s whiskey.” Erica huffs as Boyd answered.

“I am _not_ happy.” Erica placed her perfectly manicured hands on each hip.

“How come I’m the only human here?” Stiles asked, taking in all the werewolves.

“I’m here!” Allison popped her head out of the kitchen and waved.

“She has a Taser.” Scott explained, bringing over a bacon sandwich and placing it in front of Derek.

“What did you do Derek?” Stiles mumbled, kneeling by his head. In response Derek sings Abba louder. “Fuck you man.” Stiles snapped back, beginning the walk out.

When he stops dead in his tracks.

Because Derek is singing Abba.

The exact song Stiles was humming when they did _it._

“ _Call me Good… Call me bad…_ ” Stiles began softly, turning round with a little more confidence. “ _Call me anything you want to baby!_ ” Stiles is making a fool out of himself, but he carries on singing, especially when Derek’s head rises. “ _But I know that you're sad and I know I'll make you happy with the one thing that you never had_!”

“Wham isn’t any better.” Derek mumbled, low enough that Stiles almost misses it.

“Would you mind giving us a minute?” Stiles says. The werewolves (and Allison) all exchange looks but filter out nonetheless. As soon as they are gone Stiles walks over to Derek, who right now is trying to sit up. “Whoa, slowly there buddy.”

“What do you care?” Derek snaps, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

“I care about you, numbnuts.” Stiles says softly, rubbing Derek’s shoulder.

“No, you don’t. I was just a _fuck._ I’m always just a fuck.” Derek sighs, and moves for the Vodka. Stiles snatches the bottle and hides it behind his back.

“No. You are not just a fuck.” Stiles sighs back at him. “Dude, I thought I had no chance with you. So, I thought, if I could have one night with you I could move on and deal with it.”

“You like me?” Derek mumbles, green eyes wide and looking straight into Stiles’.

“You think I’d be here, breathing in your stinky alcohol breath, if I didn’t?” Stiles laughs, at Derek who cracks a small smile. “Wanna start over?”

“Yeah.” Derek nods.

 

 

 

** One Month Later. **

 

“Come on, Stiles!” Scott groans. He can hear Stiles voice, who does he think he’s kidding. “Stiles! I can hear you! Stop jerking off and come Birthday shop with me!” It’s Allison’s twentieth birthday in three weeks. He needs to get started. Like now. Actually ten minutes ago. Which is when he started knocking.

“I’m not jerking myself off!” Stiles shouts through the door, Scott hears the scuffle that he knows as Stiles-post-orgasm-searching-for-clothes. Brothers know brothers.

“I know you. That is so, your post orgasm clothes scuffle!” Scott snaps, leaning on the door frame.

“I’m not jerking myself off.” Stiles sing songs.

“Yeah Right.” Scott scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Nope.” Stiles’ voice comes back, further away this time. The door knob wriggles and opens.

“I jerked him off.” Derek Hale says, standing in Stiles bedroom doorway in only joggers and a smug grin. And sex hair.

“Ugh. _STILES!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Songs In this Fic: I'm Your Man by Wham!   
> And well, any song from Mamma Mia! (it's what I was listening to when I finished this. 
> 
> (Bloody thing took two weeks!)
> 
> Also I'm sorry my tenses are all over the place... Just power through!!


End file.
